Men don’t cry!…… “The inside man.”

Boy! Oh boy! My boy!
A young boy in a small village ‘most villages.” A tiny, small, innocent, little thing. After having his toys taken away and receiving a heavy beating from an older boy. Coming home, you’d hear the sound of the father shouting…”Son don’t you dare cry! , you’re a man! and men don’t cry! stay strong! ‘Crying makes you look and sound just like your weak crying sisters ‘so pathetic!! ”

Boy facing criticism from father for crying his heart out…

Lets get into it ladies and gentlemen!
Growing up!……
Most of us men, pretended to be Strong when we sincerely felt weak, tough when we really deep inside were hurting, confident when we felt so much insecure. In most cases, it were just about putting on a show ( just an act) for the ‘audience society’ to see, recognize and appreciate us as a Strong and Courageous male figure, as it had always set and directed us to be. what happened after the show was an unfriendly, stressful, lost and a life full of anger and frustrations.

Frustrations and Anger destroys everything you touch..

Ages and ages, generations after generations, we men have been taught to play certain roles and behave in a certain manner, that completely has nothing to do with who we really are (our personality as an individual man) but this role, is what society expects and supposes every man to play. I don’t ‘wonna’ bore you with details ‘coz most of you by now probably understand where am coming from.
In early childhood society has fed us to believe that, girls are weak and boys are strong. This has gone on and on for centuries all over the world cultures.

Man and woman lift same weight despite their differences in physical body mass…

What about gender?
A spared minute about “Masculinity and Feminism” .A topic that arises all kinds of emotions , reactions and responses.
This isn’t what I want to talk about ,but I feel like mentioning that in the current times we’re living in, what most women desperately need from the society is to be treated with equal respect as men; to be given equal opportunities as men get, and not for their physical appearances ‘looks’ but for their qualifications and expertise. Furthermore not to be treated less of a human being ‘half a man’.
Seeing and valuing, leave alone treating women as less and weak in comparison to men has repeatedly been done since time immemorial.

On the other hand, there’s a broken definition to what Masculinity and feminism should be and what they stand for. So society would say, “anything that makes a man act or appear weak no matter how hurtful it is in his inside, is feminine, and unacceptable for him to display feelings or talk about it openly . He is not allowed to feel or feel and display weakness.
My stand about this “mythical concept that ‘woman is weak while man is strong” is wrong, toxic and outdated, in fact! I believe it has to end.
“Lemme’ not even get into position and responsibilities of a man or woman in a marriage and a family set up. That, I leave for another day.

Men? ‘wonna be,’ A great human being?
The only way to bring this about is; if only we learnt not only to embrace the Qualities that we were told were feminine but also to be willing to stand up! To Champion and learn from women who embody them.

Keep in mind; this is not to say that everything we men learnt, was toxic and inconvenient for our wellness. Of course! there were things we needed to learn and go through to become better men. It is not also to mean that men have to stop being men, No! but there should be a balance and a drawing line. We seriously need it. Right! Ladies and gentlemen?

Men rarely appreciate fellow man..

Imagine a society!
Where a man would rather die than tell another man that he’s hurting. Where a man believe that he’s very Strong and can do it all on his own and not sweat it out, for a crowd to see or hear about?
Most of these men are good at making friends. Easy to converse with , but just not about ‘Real stuffs’. Maybe talk about sports, politics, jobs, investments and women. Here they have no problem sharing their opinions with fellow men. But don’t touch on real stuffs like their troubles and worries, fear of failure, marriage insecurities. And it’s almost like they become paralyzed, at least I do feel so. This is mostly for fear of being judged and the shame that comes with it. In short, is to say that “ No vulnerability for men”.
Not until one fearless courageous man opens up and shares his fears and insecurities that other men also find a platform to pour out their share of worries and troubles , shouting it out that, ‘Man! I have been through same too.
Having said that, I think it’s wrong and inconsiderate how man’s public display of emotions is looked down on. For instance a sincere emotion displayed in public, like a Son says to Dad ‘ Man! I love you Dad” or a man telling his men-buddies ‘Dude! I love you guys. I have been there, I get it! In fact I understand.
All along, Our identity as men is wrapped up in stuffs that makes us feel like we are ‘men enough’ known as ‘guys stuff.’

Shared moments, men stuffs’…

Growing up!
We men challenged us that ‘men! We are ‘gonna’ be Toughest, Strongest and Bravest men we can be!.’
So lemme challenge us men, Good? Okay good.
That same Courage and Strength that makes you ‘feel more or less a man’ that same enthusiasm, can you please use it to go deeper into yourself! , your Strength, your Bravery, your toughness. Try define what these words mean and use them to explore your heart.
Ask yourself!
Are you Brave enough to be venerable to reach out to another man when they need help and a shoulder to lean on?
To Dive head first into your shame?
Are you Strong enough to be sensitive, to cry whether you’re hurting or happy? Even if it makes you ‘A quik”
Are you confident enough to listen to women in your life? ;to hear their ideas and solution? ; to hold their anguish and actually believe them, even if what they are saying is against you?
Will you be ‘man enough’ to Stand Up for other men, when you hear ‘a locker room talk?
Are you ‘man enough’ to do something when you hear stories of ‘evil ass men’ who buys women drinks and drugs them just to do the evil to her; rape her or worst kill her?. So that women doesn’t have to live in a Society Where she hears ‘her ghels’ talk of ‘trash men’ and say ‘me too!

Myself! After writing this I felt that I had to go back into a mirror and look up! Myself off things, I have been doing consciously or unconsciously that hurt women in my life; who some are here reading this article. I sincerely tell you it’s ugly and demanding change.
Last Question is to myself on behalf of fellow men.
I’m I ‘man enough’ to Shut Up! And listen; hear ‘What she has to say and take her worries, concerns and ideas seriously without judgements ‘coz it’s coming from a female?

Man listens keenly as His wife explains her ideas and arguments..

It’s time for us men to wake up from a Dream, and see the Reality that is. ‘Coz we can keep on and on looking into the problem, while partly we are the problem. Why a man?, would abuse himself, his fellow man or a woman is ‘coz he’s too low on self-esteem to believe that he can do better than failure. He does things thinking he’s not yet ‘man enough’ as he ought to be ‘good enough” to be accepted and appreciated. So as to deserve Respect and Love, so he thinks the only way to get it if it’s not coming on well, is through harassment, violence and abuse. Dictating, discriminating and fighting himself and others to survive as the head. Now! Enough about men for a day.

Now to all of you Sweet Ladies out there and those reading this article…
On behalf of men all over the world that feel similar to me, please forgive us, for all the way that we have failed to rely on your Strength and I humbly Ask that you, to formally help us? ‘ coz we can’t do this on our own. We are men, we definitely will Mess Up!

Please ladies! don’t loose hope, remember we here ‘coz of you. And like you, as men we need to Stand Up! and become your allies as you fight against “ petty much everything!.”
I pray to God to give you women patience ‘coz it’s not easy!
Lastly, Dear Parents?
I do not speak ‘coz am experienced or deserving to; but now that you’re here, I humbly request to reason with you. That instead of teaching Our Children to be ‘Brave boys’ and ‘pretty girls’ can we maybe train, educate and nature them to be Good human beings both in ‘ head and heart.’

As I close ‘coz I can go on and on , There’s ‘ABDU’L-BAHA’ a wise man in history of servant hood who said…..

Thanks for your continued support; please leave me a comment below or text it to my Email below. Welcome back to read more.

By Author: Fredrick G. Kanja Email: May God continue blessings you for sparing some time out of your busy Schedules to read My Articles.🙏🙏
Stay safe; safe a Life😊

Published by Fredrick G. Kanja

I am highly motivated with strong leadership, organizational and interpersonal traits. As a dynamic person, I appreciate challenges and value the diverse opportunities and energy of working within a team. I am a team leader. My core values are integrity, excellence and servant leadership. As an individual, I like responsibilities, I am hardworking, I enjoy the challenges of new situations and derive much pleasure from improving my abilities in helping others improve theirs

14 thoughts on “Men don’t cry!…… “The inside man.”

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